A Thanksgiving Warning

Leaving campus last night and driving to work this morning there is a marked difference in parking spots. I work on a campus where there is a strategy to getting a place to park. So, on mornings like today, a quick look around, and you know it must be time for a break or holiday.

Many students across the country are headed home or have already made it to their destination for Thanksgiving break. Thanksgiving break is a nice time for parents to reconnect with their students. For many, you may not have seen your child for a significant amount of time since move-in day. As much as you are looking forward to it, I am sending you this warning: You may get sick of each other sooner than you anticipated.

Students have been on their own for the last few months. They may come home, drop their things, only to take off to catch up with high school friends. Remember FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is a real thing for our media and socially savvy children. Thanksgiving Eve is the busiest party night for bars and pubs across the US. Don’t be surprised if a newly turned 21-year-old wants to go out. Don’t be surprised if an under 21-year-old wants to go out too.

Back in my residence life days, I used to encourage parents to adjust their expectations for their new adult children. Consider setting new rules for children who have been, for the most part, independent over the last few months. I would also remind students that they will be back under their parents’ roof.  Remember to be respectful of your parents’ rules. Don’t forget to spend time with the people who helped you get to college. Help your parents around the house. My favorite suggestion: help the cook clean up after the big meal. If the cook is one of your parents, time in the kitchen can be time spent on catching up. How about asking your parents what has been going on in their life while you have been away. Recognition of their life without you (yes, life exists without you), may just astound them – in a good way. If the cook is not your parent, help anyway. Your mom and dad will notice, and it will fill them with pride.

Enjoy this time together. Be aware and sensitive to the changes that have likely occurred in the parent/child relationship. Be thankful for each other rather than sick of each other. Most importantly give your parents a hug (maybe even more than one).

***Here is another blog on the same topic. It’s very good!! Thanksgiving, with College Students: Fantasy, Reality and Getting it Right.



It’s getting close to that time of year when students are focusing on the next break in the academic calendar. Only just around the corner, Thanksgiving is dangling in front of us like a carrot. It’s not just the students who see the break ahead, but faculty and staff too. We all know that we have a few days of R&R, and for some, this may include much-anticipated family traditions.

Traditions don’t just apply to family. Traditions can be a part of any group or organization. My family has a few traditions, and I’ve started a few with my kids over the years. I have a wonderfully crazy group of friends that began with friendships in kindergarten. When we are together, we can tell you stories of our traditions and how they began. Even on college campuses across America, you will find traditions that are unique to the institution. On my campus, we have an annual Banana Day. Yep, Banana Day.

What is it that we like about traditions? I think it’s that feeling of knowing what to expect and look forward to. Traditions become part of the culture. On a college campus, annual traditions create a sense of connectivity between students, alumni, faculty and staff. Regardless of how silly or serious, traditions can make us feel proud to be a part of a group.

Thanksgiving in and of itself is an American tradition. As a non-religious holiday, it is a tradition that all Americans can celebrate. Did you know that many colleges and universities have specific traditions that relate directly to Thanksgiving? Here are just a few:

Ohio State University holds a Thanksgiving dinner every year. It started with less than 40 students who were not going home for the holidays. Now, Ohio State University holds a Thanksgiving dinner for hundreds of students who remain on campus during the break. They even keep the residence halls open too.

Lehigh University hosts a Turkey Trot for the campus before the holiday. The run is a good way to burn some calories before the big meal, and it’s tons of fun too.

Many international students are not going home over the break. Often you will hear of generous faculty and staff that open their homes to these students. In fact, I know of several faculty that do this every year, and they love it. The Thanksgiving Match-Up at Smith College has taken this general idea and formalized it. Can you imagine the interesting and educational conversations around the table? In fact, if international students make a connection with the host faculty member, it often leads to a lifetime friendship.

Lebanon Valley College has a 50+ year tradition of the football team leading the college community to the college president’s lawn, requesting the day before Thanksgiving off. The March to Kreiderheim (the name of the president’s house) began when LVC won a football game against a rival school and petitioned for the day off. What once began as a march of football players now involves hundreds of members of the college community. I’ll bet it’s not too often that their president says no.

Does your college have a Thanksgiving tradition? If so, I would love to hear about it.

Financial Aid and Some Upcoming Changes

Attending college today is an enormous expense that many families plan for well in advance. Even with the best savings plan in place, you still may fall short of the required amount. Federal Student Aid can help students with the cost of higher education.
I am not an expert in the field of financial aid, yet I recognize that funding an education can be a source of much anxiety and confusion. I will do my best to impart some basic knowledge concerning the Federal Student Aid programs that are available. Hopefully, this will be a quick overview to eliminate some of that anxiety and confusion.
The information below was gathered from the Federal Student Aid website. I highly encourage you to spend some time looking at the site if you have financial aid questions.
The office of Federal Student Aid offers more than $150 billion annually for colleges and career schools in the form of grants, loans, and work-study funding. That’s a lot of money that is available to students across the country seeking a higher education! This money can be used for tuition, room and board, and books. To be awarded any money, you must begin by filling out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, commonly referred to as the FAFSA.


When applying, keep in mind there are FAFSA deadlines. There are federal and state deadlines, as well as deadlines imposed by your colleges. Remember, the financial aid process is separate from the school application process. If you would like to receive federal aid, you will have to fill out both the school application and the FAFSA. If you are eligible for financial aid, you will receive an award letter (from the accepting college) explaining federal and non-federal options that the school is offering.


There are three types of financial aid: grants, student loans, and work-study. Below is a brief overview:

I.   Grants – Money awarded to students that does not need to be repaid.

II.   Loans – Money that is being borrowed for school and does need to be repaid.

A. Federal Loan

  • Offered at low fixed interest rates
  • Repayment plans may be deferred or adjusted based on income.
  • Loans may be consolidated to only monthly bill
  • Student loan interest may be deducted on taxes
  • Some federal loans may even be forgiven based on your career or employment.

B. Non-Federal Loan

  • Money borrowed from a lender such as a bank, credit union, state agency or school.
  • This money must be paid back, often at various interest rates.

*If you plan on borrowing money for education, the federal loan should be used first.

III.   Student Work-Study – Part-time, on-campus employment earning at least minimum wage.

I find knowing the three types of financial aid is a good basis for understanding. You can read more in-depth information from the Federal Student Aid webpage. For more detailed information on Private and federal loans, I recommend the chart provided on their webpage. Also, each university and college has financial aid officers and should have information on their university webpage. Both are a resource for you.

New changes: For the 2017-2018 academic year, the FAFSA will become available October 1, 2016 – rather than in January 1, 2017. Families will have more time to prepare their financial information. In addition, parents will be asked to report income from two years prior. For example, students using the FAFSA for the academic year of 2017-2018 will need to retrieve tax information from 2015, and can file as early as October 1, 2016. This change will help better align FAFSA with many admissions application deadlines.
For more information on FAFSA, please visit the Federal Student Aid website.

Early Decision and Early Action

There are a lot of components involved in selecting the right college.  Is the college a good match socially, academically, geographically, and financially?  Is the student capable of meeting the entrance requirements?  While you are taking these considerations into account, you may hear the admissions officers using terms like Early Decision (ED) and Early Action (EA).  Have you wondered what that means?

I know a few students who have just submitted their college applications.  It can be a stressful process, and not knowing what these terms mean can add to the stress.  It is important that college applicants understand the meaning between the two, and which one is best for them.  Here is some necessary information about Early Decision and Early Action.

Early Decision is binding.  Students who are accepted as ED must attend that college.  ED is best for students who have done an extensive amount of research on colleges and universities.  They have a strong sense of what they want to study.  They are applying to their number one choice and meet all the entrance requirements for SAT scores, GPA, and high school ranking.  ED applicants will typically hear from the admissions office by December with the final decision.  They have agreed to attend the college in advance if the offer is made and the financial aid package is acceptable.  These students will also submit their non-refundable deposit well before the typical May 1st deadline.

Early Action is a non-binding plan.  Students will receive an offer early (usually January or February) but don’t have to make a decision until May 1st.  These students may have applied to other schools under the regular admissions process.  EA is better suited for students who are considering more than one university but have still done extensive research on various schools.

You should not apply for school with an ED or EA plan for many of reasons.  ED and EA is not suited for everyone.  Plenty of students should hold off and follow the regular admissions process.  These students are those who did not do their homework and are just applying to colleges without much knowledge of the particular schools. They could be applying because a friend is applying. They are doing the work early to get it done and over. They aren’t overly interested in college to begin with or, lastly, they need the fall semester to bring up their GPA.

I caution students against applying early if they are only doing it because it seems like the thing to do.  There are negatives to going through an ED or EA process.  They can include:

  • Stress to get everything in on time with the pressure to decide early.
  • Limited financial aid options.
  • Senioritis – the feeling that everything is complete, and now the student can goof off.

Many may argue that applying early will increase their odds of getting accepted to college.  This is not the case either.  Many universities will regulate the number of applicants accepted under ED, EA and regular admission.  Universities all have numbers for incoming classes that are targeted.  They will pace themselves through the application process.

Do the research. Know what you are getting involved in before you step into the ED or EA process.  Remember, for many this is the way to go, but it is definitely for a particular student.  Know who you are as an applicant.



Much of the information above was gathered from https://professionals.collegeboard.com/guidance/applications/early

Mid-Semester Check-In

Many schools are halfway through the semester by now. It’s hard to believe. You have probably heard many people say, “Enjoy college; it will go fast.” Now you can see that it does. So, before the semester slips away, let’s consider how you are doing.

• Are you finding this semester’s classes difficult or easy?
• Are you getting help, if needed?
• Do you know where to find the office hours of your professors?
• Where do you go for tutoring?
• What’s the course withdrawal deadline at your school?

• Have you made a connection with any campus organizations? It’s not too late to get involved. Even if this isn’t your first year, get involved! Involvement on campus and the experience you gain can relate to future jobs. Being involved can also help combat loneliness and the feeling of disconnectedness.
• Go with a friend. Maybe the idea of joining a group or activity is intimidating. If so, ask a friend to go along.

• Are you making new friends and meeting new people? You should be expanding your network all the time. Get your head out of your phone for a few minutes to meet the person next to you in line at the coffee shop. Pretend it’s 1984.
• Make connections with faculty and staff. In the future, you may need to ask someone for a reference. It is much easier for a professional to write a reference if it comes from personal knowledge.
• Have you started a new, yet serious relationship already? How soon into the semester did you change your relationship status on social media? Give yourself time. I caution on rushing into anything. College is for getting to know yourself first. Don’t get too serious, too fast with anyone.

If you are struggling in any one of these areas, you can seek help from faculty, staff, student staff members, or other students. College is full of people just like you – wanting to fit in and find a niche. The good thing: college is not like high school. Popularity does not apply. Be yourself, and take advantage of what your school has to offer that encourages your interests and potential for success. Semesters have a tendency to slip by quickly. Campus resources abound – use them!

PSATs and SATs – Some General Information

Fall is the time of year that many juniors will take the PSAT and seniors may attempt the SAT again for a higher score.

This year, some changes are occurring for BOTH tests. Coming up on October 14th and October 28th, students will be taking the redesigned PSAT/NMSQT for the first time. It’s the best way to practice for the SAT. It is also an opportunity to connect with scholarship opportunities. The newly designed SAT will be launched on March 5th. If you are taking the SAT this fall, it will with the current test.

Let me make that more clear:

  • Seniors: Taking the SAT before March 2016 will take the current SAT.
  • Juniors and sophomores: Taking the SAT in March 2016 or later will take the new SAT.

I highly recommend visiting the College Board website for more information regarding these changes. Their website has tons of information regarding both tests, upcoming changes, registration deadlines, practice tests, a college search engine, and much more.

Practice makes perfect, right? The College Board website also offers free practice for the PSAT and SAT tests. Anyone can take advantage of these practice tests if they have a pencil, printer, calculator, and a timer. After completing the test, you can score it on your own to find out how you did. Also, explanations for answers are provided so that you can learn from your mistakes.

Lastly, did you know that there is an app for the SAT? You can now download the SAT Question of the Day to your smartphone for free daily practice. How cool is that? Ok, maybe not as fun as Snapchat, but certainly a good way to prepare a little at a time.

Do you need to score better than the student taking the test next to you? My answer is no. You just need to do the best that you can possibly do. Practice, practice, practice is the best way to prepare for your best score possible. Your highest scores on the SATs in combination with a strong high school GPA, is the best avenue to college acceptance.

“Good Luck!”


College Board. https://www.collegeboard.org/, (10/4/15).

It Takes Courage to be Happy

My young neighbor. Studying what makes her happy at Montclair State University.
My young neighbor. Studying what makes her happy at Montclair State University.

If you were paying any attention to the news last week, you might have noticed that Pope Francis came for a little visit. It was difficult to escape the excitement (and trepidation) surrounding the Pope’s arrival. However, now in the aftermath, I believe the general thought is that it went very well.
I noticed throughout the week that quotes and themes from his speeches would come up on social media. In February of this year, Pope Francis spoke on World Youth Day. He was quoted as saying, “Have the courage to be happy.” I love this quote, and he brought it out again over this past weekend in Philadelphia.
It does take courage to be happy. If you are in a situation that you don’t like, it may take some effort to make a change. The process of change may require some courage. I think this rings true for all people regardless of our age. However, since Pope Francis originally directed this to our youth, so will I.
As a junior or senior in high school, you have a few decisions in front of you in regards to college. Many people you know will try to give you their opinion about where to go and what you should study in college. I say, “Have courage!” Be strong, and speak your mind. Granted there may be parameters such as cost and academic preparation, but ultimately these decisions will affect your life – not anyone else’s. It makes me so sad to hear students say, “My parents think this would be the best major for me.” My response is always, “What do you think?” Or “If you could study something that would make you happy, what would it be?” I am the saddest when a student says, “My parents won’t help me (financially) with my education unless I study XYZ major.” Yes, I have heard it. If you think it makes me sad, think how the student feels. Parents and prospective students – keep in mind that careers evolve. Very few people stay in just one position for their entire career. Think about all the people you know that have studied one thing and went on to be successful in another. Happiness and success go hand in hand.
College students, I ask you, “Do you love what you are studying?” When you are in college, you should be studying what you want to learn. Study something that you find interesting. Usually the students who study a major they are interested in do better academically. Your job at college is to succeed academically. Unless you need a particular certification (such as teaching, accounting, and computer science), most employers will teach you what you need to know once you are on their payroll.
College is four years. It can and should be some of the best four years of your life. You should look back at the time spent in college with great joy and fond memories. College is a time to explore all sorts of possibilities. Try something new. Do what you love most. College is a time to be happy. If you are questioning yourself and your decisions, remember there are many people on campus to help you. Talk to an academic advisor, a faculty member, a staff member, a counselor. Courage starts with a conversation. That’s not so scary. Take a leap of faith. Be courageous!


Don’t Ignore Your Back Burner

Often it seems we push things to the back burner. Usually, these are items from our “to do” list that either we don’t particularly want to do, they aren’t particularly time-sensitive, or perhaps both. We all have done it. We have procrastinated getting certain things done. Eventually, the simmering pot will begin to boil.

I have a favorite student who will be a senior this year. He has an item on his back burner, simmering away for the past three years. Now that he is on campus for the fall semester that pot is beginning to bubble a little more. In January, the pot will be boiling! I suppose that is when he  will pay attention.

At this point, you may be wondering, what has he been avoiding that is going to boil over? He has avoided transferring his dual enrollment credit from his high school into the university. Dual enrollment refers to high school students taking college courses. It involves being enrolled in two separate, academically related institutions at the same time. High school students will enroll and complete these courses prior to their graduation. The credit can apply toward high school and college graduation requirements.

My student took an Intro to Psychology course offered by his local community college. He paid extra for the advantage of the dual enrollment course. If transferred, it would appear as college credit. In this particular case, it would satisfy a general education course requirement. However, as my student enters his senior year on campus, he has still not transferred the credit. As his advisor during his first two years on campus, we discussed this course several times. I reminded him over and over that he needed to transfer the credit to the university. Also, he avoided taking Psych 100 (or any other suitable general education course), so that his transfer credit could be used.

After two years of being my assigned student, he changed his major and is officially working with another advisor on campus. However, since we had a rapport, he will occasionally stop in to ask for my advice. The one piece of advice he has not taken: “Get that dual enrollment credit transferred!” At this point, he will probably be scrambling in the last hour to get the credit transferred. When the registrar’s office tells him he needs one more general education course to graduate, he might realize that the pot is boiling over. He is a Dean’s List student. On all accounts, this should not be a difficult thing for him to do, but he has been and is procrastinating. He will not like being told that he is ineligible to graduate. Although it’s a little snarky, I would love to say, “I told you so…” Instead, I will just chuckle to myself and shake my head. After all, he is one of my favorites.

My point is, if you have taken Dual Enrollment courses (or have AP credit) from high school, don’t wait to get them on your college record. Transfer them to your school today! It will not happen without action on your part. For Advanced Placement (AP) courses, you must take the AP Test and score high enough to count as college credit. In both cases, just taking the class is not sufficient. You took these courses in high school to serve a purpose while in college, right? Then, put them to use! However, if you haven’t completed this task, start the process now before the semester gets ahead of you. Four years go quickly. If you put it off too long, your back burner will be boiling over too. You can thank me later.

The author comes clean: Colligate Café has gone under construction for a new look. In the process, there were some technical difficulties which needed resolving. I delayed. Otherwise this post would have been posted weeks ago. My pot was boiling too. It happens to all of us.

Throwing Your Education over the Fence

Warning: this post may not be suitable for parents. This post may cause slight anxiety.

Once there was a girl eager to experience her first college party as a freshman. She and her six new friends from the residence halls headed off campus to a popular house for parties. The Football House. Not long after the party was going, and several Solo cups gone, the cops arrived. The girl was pushed out the back door into a small fenced-in backyard. Fellow students were beginning to panic. Getting out of the yard toward the front was not an option. Cops! The gate to the back alley was locked or simply not opening for the drunken operators. Before she knew it, the girl was hoisted over the 6-foot fence by a large anonymous boy and caught on the other side by a student of equal strength and size (presumably football players).

Many of you might be heading into your first weekend as a college student this weekend. You too might be excited and eager to experience your first taste of independence. There might be many options for parties and drinking. You and your newest friends might decide to head out and see what college fun is about. If you are a freshman female, it is even more likely that you will be welcomed into any party you decide to attend at the fraternities, and the drinks will be free.

Let me ask you to think about a few things before you go. (Notice, I am not telling you to stay home – as I know that might not be realistic.)

  1. Think about who you are going out with. How long have you known them? Would they have your back – if needed? Would they make sure you are not left alone? Would they care if you had too much to drink? Do YOU care if these “new friends” have too much to drink? How do you feel about holding back someone’s hair while they puke?
  2. Think about how you want to get home. Hopefully, how you get home is ONLY on foot!! Not in a car or worse, an ambulance. Is it ok to come back with less than the number of friends you went out with?
  3. When do you want to be home? I’m not asking you to think about whether after midnight is too late. I am asking you to reflect on whether you wish to return to your room the next morning? Are you comfortable walking across campus in your clothes from the night before? This is commonly referred to as “the walk of shame”. You might want to tell yourself you will wake up in your bed – and without a guest appearance from someone you’ve just met. How would you feel if your roommate had a guest?

My point is, use the common sense your parents have instilled. Yes, we all make mistakes – sometimes even without alcohol being involved. Alcohol and good decision-making usually don’t mix. Unfortunately, if you make a wrong decision at your age, it can have ramifications that could change your educational and career path before it even begins. Education and Criminal Justice majors are often thought of as the first majors/careers that would be ruined with an underage drinking charge, but there are others.

Are you curious about the girl from above? Her major could have been tossed over the fence as quickly as she was (or out the door, out the window, into the trash – you can apply whatever imagery you prefer). Instead, she and a few other fellow partiers (who made it over the fence) ran and laughed up the alley and eventually found their way to safety….or another party. The students that didn’t get out of the house had charges brought up against them. She was lucky. They were not. Why take the chance?


What’s So Wonderful?

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” ding dong, ding dong. You know the song. Perhaps for you, it still conjures up images of holiday decorations and good cheer. Not for me. Not since 1996, when Staples came out with that clever commercial of the mom gliding through the aisle, joyously tossing post-its and pencils into her cart, and two children slugging along behind her. For me I must agree, it IS the most wonderful time of the year.
Yes, I am a mom who is happy to send her kids back to school. That part rings true, but there are other reasons I find it to be the most wonderful time of the year. It means the big kids are coming back to campus after a quiet summer. It means the new freshman will arrive with their spirit and hope. The energy of September is palpable as you walk around campus. It is a time to start again. Much like the New Year, I find myself making lists of new goals to achieve.
However, as a parent of a new college student that commercial that may have been silly and humorous doesn’t seem so anymore. As parents we worry. It’s part of our DNA. We have concerns about whether our children will succeed. If they are going away for school, we may worry about their new found independence. These are valid concerns. As a parent of a new student, you may find yourself asking what should I expect or what is my role?
First, it is okay to miss your child. You probably will. Those feelings didn’t get dubbed with “the empty nest syndrome” for nothing. You may feel emotions of sadness to grouchy bad moods. Try to come up with a method for staying in touch. Make it something that you and your child can agree on. A phone call or text a day? Maybe once every two or three days. Technology can help you. Gone are the days of your child standing in line for the pay phone at the end of the hall. Maybe plan to Face Time or Skype once in a while or even plan a monthly campus visit. However, caution is advised, this is a time for your student to spread their wings. Try not to text and call too often. Let them reach out to you. They will, and they will come to enjoy that time as much as you.
My biggest caution is against the temptation to be overly involved. Remember the term “helicopter” parenting? Unfortunately, it still holds true for today’s college student. Nothing makes me cringe more than seeing a parent in the office. College is a time for the student to handle their problems on their own. Offering advice and suggestions are helpful, but they should manage with your support from the sidelines. They will leave school with a greater sense of self and independence if you do. (In another blog we can discuss FERPA).
Help your child know who they can go to as a college resource. Anyone from their Resident Advisor (RA) to their Academic Advisor can help. Each university and college around the nation has student support services available just to help your child navigate the college waters. The sooner your child knows where they can get answers, assistance and support for issues and concerns, the better.
Remember that feeling of palpable energy I spoke of? Well, it doesn’t last forever. Even after the first week of school (often orientation week), there can be a let-down. Freshmen may question their decision. School work begins to set in, and so does the reality of the work involved. Often the first six weeks of the semester can be a difficult transition for the new student. It’s not just you who will be making some adjustments. The first series of posted grades can be a huge disappointment. Helping your student problem solve can be a great assistance.

In a future posts, I will also talk about setting expectations with your college student. But for now, even if you are not feeling that sense of joyous exuberance as your child packs up, keep in mind that this is just a new phase. You may never throw socks into a suitcase with the joy of the mom and her post-its on TV, and that’s ok. However, packing for college will be the new norm for the next few years. Just like that first day of kindergarten when they got on the bus. It may take some getting used to, but that’s ok too.
(Oh, and for goodness sakes after the first move-in day, let them pack themselves!)